My Depression is Insufferable

Taylor Ellison
4 min readMay 23, 2022

“Depression is so Good for Writers.” — An Unhelpful Friend.

“Depression gives me so much to write about.” — Most writers.

“Shouldn’t you have more to write about since you’re so depressed?” — My friends.

Photo by Nastya Dulhiier on Unsplash

My good friend, well-intended, said “most people have so much to write about when they’re depressed.”

At the time of this piece, it’s 0614 (Arizona time) and I have been sitting in this office chair for the last 12 hours. The only reason I am sitting in a chair is because I slept for 24 hours and forced myself to get out of bed to avoid sleeping the next day.

Depression, for me, isn’t a time when I feel inspired to write, at least not with any sense of poetic flow. I’d be shocked if a reader felt intrigued by the headline, but then clicked to read and then could not finish the article.

No offense taken.

Writing, even about ideas that are inspiring or interested to me, feels impossible. Putting two cohesive words together, hoping another person is able to comprehend my intention, is wishful thinking.

So, why am I writing? If it’s so painful, why am I writing?

Being a trained therapist, I know how the clinical signs of depression are effecting me:

  1. Loss of interest of things I usually enjoy (yep!);
  2. Insomnia/hypersomnia (hypersomnia, in my case);
  3. Feelings of sadness, hopefulness and/or helplessness (I know these are fleeting);
  4. Depressed mood (Duh!);
  5. Suicidal thoughts

According to the DSM-V, the individual must be experiencing five or more symptoms during the same two-week period and at least one of the symptoms should be 1) depressed mood or 2) loss of interest and pleasure.

  1. Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day;
  2. Diminished interest or pleasure in all or almost all activities of the day, nearly every day;
  3. Significant weight loss or weight gain when not dieting. Decrease or increase of appetite nearly every day;
Taylor Ellison

Happily divorced, single mom, reviewing books and managing a Bookstagram account as if people actually care about what I have to say. Posting weekly.